I am an approximation
Fallen off the horse? It's okay! You can dust yourself off and hop back on again.
I find it annoying to pigeon-hole myself and say ‘I am an introvert’ (or extrovert or ambivert). Am I a writer? A teacher? A coach? Come to think of it, which am I more of - a parent, a spouse, a daughter, a sister?
When we talk about finishing (a project or a piece of work), it might feel like you have permission to declare you are a ‘finisher’. What is that even? When are we ever finished? How many people have lain on their deathbed, knowing that they had a laundry list of things they’d started and never finished?
Why am I writing this? Particularly when I want to write about things to do with ‘The End’ School thinking; to finish that ‘thing’ that you’ve been wanting to but never seem to get around to doing. Because …
I firmly believe in and revel in the fact that we are all approximations.
We are always changing, oscilliating, evolving.
We are not the same person, even on a cellular level, that we were just moments ago.
Whether we finish the thing or not.
So … I’m not saying ‘don’t finish the thing!’. I’m also not saying ‘finish the thing!’.
I’m asking you to explore why you are not working on the project that you started. The answer may or may not come. And you may or may not like what issues. (As in, the answer itself, or the lack of an answer). But there is something to be learnt - about yourself - in that noticing.
Why did I stop writing ‘Body Literate’ (BL) - the book I started thinking about in its first forms back in 2020? Because it’s not ready to come forth. Because I wanted to write another book more. Because I need more time to do research and come into my own as a Feldenkrais practitioner and as a human to write BL. And the book I’m writing now (working title Embodying Paradox) is a response to the zeitgeist and my own personal process and it feels right to have it coincide with a significant anniversary.
Will I ever write BL? I don’t know. I hope so.
As with everything in my creative process, I don’t know how things will pan out. I feel like I have endless potential and unlimited possibilities reside in me because … not because I’m gifted, or arrogant, but because ….
I am an approximation.
No matter what, I will always edge closer to what it is that this life in this mindbody is wanting to express. I don’t know the answers. I have no control. (I mean, look at the state of this house, and my finances! No control whatsoever hahah). And I’m okay with it. And if I skip a week on substack, it’s not the end of the world. If I write a chapter of my book this week and only make notes the next, that’s cool. I am making little gestures, little wobbles and etchings to get me closer to whatever it is that I will become. I don’t believe that I actually choose when I pick up my pen or sit at the computer again. Circumstances converge so that the opportunity arises and I am there, fingers poised. That’s my process.
This is not a cop-out. This is my invitation to you to stop locking yourself up in a room all by yourself and whipping yourself on the back with a cat-o-nine-tails while you berate yourself for not keeping to your word. We are human beings. Life happens. And then we die (one day, far in the future). There is so much to happen in between that we attend to, and then we get back to what is really important to us.
So, I am back.
What’s your process? Why do you start what you start? Why then? And why do you hit pause when you do? And why and how do you get back on the saddle?
Tell me. I’d love to hear.